Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
