Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
