dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
