sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
