smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
