Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
