Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
