my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
