that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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