I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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