he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
