i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I puked a lego.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
