I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
