Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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