Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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