I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
