I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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