While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
