You're so nebulous sometimes
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
