I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
