Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
