Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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