Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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