You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
