The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
