Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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