I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
