Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
