I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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