No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
