So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
