Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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