Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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