was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
