Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
