break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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