i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
