i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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