when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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