She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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