It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The uberlube is also flammable
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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