I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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