I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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