This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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