Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
