I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
