just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
