I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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