im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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