Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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