No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
