there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
