It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
