I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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