Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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