i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
