So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
